Racing games come in many guises. From arcade classics to ultra-realistic beauties, they offer plenty of variety and great settings. However, few are as frustrating or as rage-inducing as You Suck at Parking. It’s addictive and “just one more go” gameplay will suck you in for hours and leave you screaming relentlessly.
Developed and published by Happy Volcano, this is an arcade racing title. What’s more, it is brutally challenging and will test the best virtual drivers. Consequently, you’ll break your controller and lose your temper, but you won’t be able to put it down. Thanks to its simple approach and teasing action, you’ll always believe you have a chance. In reality, however, it’ll kick you about the park and laugh in your face as you weep.
You Suck at Parking is a brilliant casual title.
You’ve probably already guessed, but You Suck at Parking made me rage quit many times. Yet, my break from its moreish action was minimal, as I was desperate to be victorious. However, if you so wish, you can enjoy its array of stages casually. Thanks to its straightforward approach, getting back into the action was no hardship. But overcoming the array of obstacles and problems was another thing altogether.
You drive a basic vehicle that can be customised with whacky designs (more on this later). This car can not reverse and if you stop, it is classed as parking. Therefore, you must keep moving until you reach your designated parking bay. Moreover, each level has a set goal and an equal number of cars to drive. If you navigate each course and use the right number of vehicles, you’ll get a perfect score. Alternatively, you can simply complete each stage and move on to the next if you are struggling.
This is You Suck at Parking in a nutshell. You must avoid the crazy obstacles, drift, slide, jump into each parking bay, and explore some insane locations. The further you progress, the harder the game becomes. Consequently, it quickly tests your resolve, patience, reactions, and skills as you move from island to island.
Traps, police, and a season pass.
What makes You Suck at Parking so great is its eclectic blend of death-inducing traps. With giant fans, boxing gloves, electric fences, swinging hammers, and the police to avoid, it gets messy very quickly. Alongside this, there are plenty of other problems you must acknowledge if you wish to be successful. One of the greatest issues, however, is managing your fuel consumption. If your car runs out of juice, you’ll stop and your vehicle is parked. This was particularly infuriating when you are in sniffing distance from your goal. Yet, this cruel mechanic is also rewarding. There was nothing better than sliding into a parking bay as your car ran out of gas.
So, you complete each stage, but what do you get for it? Well, you are awarded XP that unlocks cosmetic items. This sounds great, but only a few are free as the rest are hidden behind a season pass! Yes, the great cash-making scheme of microtransactions raises its ugly head again. This bane of the gaming industry is strong within this title, and that was disappointing. I despise this approach at the best of times, but it was made worse as it is unnecessary. What’s more, other than some customisation, it adds little value to the experience.
You Suck at Parking is bright and nice to look at.
You Suck at Parking reminded me of Art of Rally. Its voxel-inspired graphics and colourful landscape were fantastic to look at. Moreover, I enjoyed exploring the main world and discovering each hidden level. The isometric viewpoint worked particularly well with the fast-paced action and the tight and windy tracks. This was an excellent choice from the developers, as it made the game much easier to play. What was also good was the smooth animation and trouble-free gaming. On top of this, the level designs were interesting and the variety of settings was also good.
I was also impressed by the high-energy and jovial soundtrack. This was brilliantly accompanied by some loud sound effects and the obnoxious sound of horns and sirens. In short, it was ear-splitting and uncomfortable, but it enhanced the fast-paced nature of the game.
Simple controls.
When reverse gear is removed, all you must focus on is acceleration, steering, and staying alive. Accordingly, You Suck at Parking has extremely simple controls to master. Fortunately, the responsive inputs make it easy to navigate the windy and often claustrophobic tracks. What wasn’t so easy, however, was tackling every obstacle you faced. As such, plenty of practice was necessary to perfect each level.
Undoubtedly, this has oodles of replay value. Not only is it a phenomenal single-player endeavour, but it is also a competitive and fun multiplayer game. With online leaderboards and arena-based fun, you will lose hours battling your friends. Alongside this, trying to perfect each level is no mean feat. Moreover, you must tackle some horrendously hard “master” levels as you progress. Consequently, this will test you throughout and will demand you keep playing.
You Suck at Parking is brilliantly brutal.
As much as I hated losing, I couldn’t put it down. You Suck at Parking is so painfully addictive that it should come with a warning. You’ll scream, cry, and quit as you try, yet fail to park every vehicle. Yes, I hated the microtransactions, but these can thankfully be ignored. Subsequently, I can easily recommend that you buy it here! Will you avoid every obstacle and become a parking legend? Jump, drift, and slide your way to victory.
